Friday, August 17, 2007

Ten tattoo do's and don'ts

Most of us can agree that tattoos seem to be the symbol of 'hipness' du jour. Old and young, Black and White are sporting tattoos of varying colours, styles and meanings. I have nothing against them personally, but I swear that some people just wake up and decide to get a tattoo without any proper thought of what they're permanently stamping on their bodies. Where they place these tattoos is another eyebrow raiser.

Anyhoo, I decided to come up with 10 do's and don'ts for sporting tattoos:
1. Do keep it simple, stupid! Thinking big is usually an admirable quality, but not necessarily when you're getting a tattoo. How many times have you seen an oversized lower back tattoo (also known as the 'tramp stamp') peering out from under a lady's top and wonder what the heck she was thinking? Simple is always better.
2. Don't tattoo your breasts! There are hundreds of women walking around Barbados right now with all kinds of designs on their chests, and I wonder if they know that gravity ain't a female's friend. Besides, that can't be good for the breasts at all.
3. Find out what tattoo symbols mean. That Sanskrit or Kanji symbol might look real cool on your shoulder blade or ankle, but I don't think you'd be too happy if you found out its meaning was 'moron'.
4. Don't get multiple, multi-coloured tattoos. This picture says it all. She looks like she was mutilated.
5. Don't place multiple tattoos on one limb, especially on a leg. It looks like you have a skin disease.
6. Women, please don't place tattoos on your upper arms, 'cause you look butch as wuh. Unless that's the look you're going for....
7. Never tattoo your boyfriend's/girlfriend's name on your body. Partners come and go but tattoos remain, unless you can afford painful laser surgery. Even the Tattoo Queen herself, Angelina Jolie, learnt this the hard way, erasing her ex-husband Billy Bob's name from her arm after their divorce. Don't tattoo your own name on yourself either. Unless you're in the habit of forgetting it....

8. Never tattoo curse words on your body. You'd think this was a given, but alas, no. Remember, you won't be a rebellious 20-something forever; at some point you might care what other people think of you.
9. No offence, but don't bother with a tattoo if your skin tone is very dark. The tattoos are barely visible and coloured tattoos on dark skin tones look extra weird.
10. Men, tattoos won't transform you instantly into a macho stud. There's nothing sadder than a guy with biceps like ping-pong balls with huge tats plastered on his arms. Try hitting the weight room instead.

Have a good weekend!

NB: It was not my intention to offend anyone with this post. It is done tongue-in-cheek and based on what I was seeing in my own country. I have nothing personal against tattoos, far from, actually. So get a grip, peoples!


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Anonymous said...

i just dont think the word "RULES" are appropriate if what youre just trying to say is your opinion.

second youre being racist. black and white can have their own tattoo!

about your "rule" in getting your bf/gf/husband or wife's name tattooed on your body, why cant they do it? RELATIONSHIPS DONT JUST COME AND GO. true love lasts.

hey guys! just sharing whats running in my head. :)

Anonymous said...

Lol I love this :) I can get the top of my arm
Done. I'm married :) so other men's opinions don't matter. Just my hubby's :) and when I'm 95 and in a nursing home i can compare tattoo stories with everybody else. Ps. Most truckies are fat and or bald. I'm neither. ;) I do however agree with most of the original posters comments. Name tattoos unless children in my
Opinion is a BIG no, it's just a real bad omen.

LorbGood said...

Art form shmart form--they are ugly and hip only in certain people's eyes, much the same as a metal earring stuck into your nose or eyebrow or those stupid black tires stretching out the ear lobe. There is barely a sailor out there who had tattoos done while in the service during WW II that didn't grow to hate them and regret having them done and I will bet you beyond a shadow of a doubt that when years pass, you will all look upon them and wish you hadn't permanently marked your body. No pun intended but MARK MY WORDS.

LorbGood said...

To those who did not like the publisher's tattoo rules, get a life. It's called a blog, and she is entitled to her opinion which, even though I hate tattoos, all sound to be pretty reasonable. To the black people who think she shouldn't have talked about tattoos on black skin, get over yourself and stop making everything a race card. Go -- tattoo yourself into oblivion for God's sake.

Christine said...

UV ink tattoo? I've never heard of that, but it sounds really wicked! :) Almost makes me wish I was colored. :S

Anonymous said...

Oh boy... So you hate Tattoos LorbGood? fine. You seem to know nothing about Skin pigment tho so I would STFU about Black Ink on Dark skin. PS.. I am retired British Armed forces and have a lot of ink... and Im adding to it yearly. Now back to the original post, The rules are her opinion, its a public blog so no foul there! I agree with the No-Names rule, so would every Tat artist worthy of the title... the rest of em Im not so hot on, Id replace all the above rules save the "No Names" with this one: "THINK IT OVER CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING THEN THINK SOME MORE...Still want one? GREAT! Go For it " .

Anonymous said...

So, heres my 2 cents worth. Everyone else seems to have had theirs, so thought i would too ;)

Remember, this is just my PERSONAL opinion!

I personally think tattoos are dead sexy. Do i have any - No i do not. I do think that just a bunch of little random tattoos on some chicks or guys arm is just a little stupid. Try to atleast be cohesive please.

I am currently having my first tattoo designed (i cant draw to save myself). Alot of thought has gone into this tattoo. It involves a guardian angel and my two childrens names and will be on my upper arm. Im a very small girl. but guess what, i really dont care if some random person thinks i look 'butch', im happily married so only my mans opinion matters.

I must agree about the comments that people made about not getting tatts that cant be covered. While i find it extremely sad that my beautiful artwork will have to be covered while at work, i will have to resign myself to always wearing sleeves down to my elbows while at work. Life will be so much better for everyone when self expression is not frowned upon by anyone and any chick can get a full sleeve if she so desires and not have to worry about her 'job stability' because of it.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god, youre kidding me, right? HAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!
My dad has been a tattoo artist for 20 years, honey. I just so happen to be getting a tattoo of a bat across my shoulders, and a gemini on my hip. Excuse me, but you know nothing.
My bat is for my dad, who has a matching one on his back, and the gemini is for my brother, who has a scorpio on his hip.
I'm also getting one for my grandpa, who died the day after christmas when i was six. some of us actually care about this stuff. Simple is better? My mom had a coloring book, and colored in a butterfly that my dad freehanded on her ankle. Its beautiful. So fuck your logic.

Juan José said...

OP is a fucking idiot.

Anonymous said...

With the exception of rule #4 (multiple, multi-coloured tattoos), I wholeheartedly agree with you. I would also suggest disregarding any comment on this blog post in which a person has described you or the rules as "stupid". They are, it seems, either obsessed with tattoos or offended due to having previously broken one of the rules. C'est la vie, and all that jazz ; )

Auzrin Gurung said...

Consider me!!! this is really very good.. Keep writing and I am sure we well get some great comments on this.
Consider me, it s going to get worse before it gets better!
Tattoos for Women

Anonymous said...

I think boob tatts are cool. I have a star tattoo on the top of my left breast.

Anonymous said...

All you hating tool bags who object to the opinionated rules of this original blogger, get a life. Most of those points were spot on. If you were offended, odds are you look ridiculous and the truth hurts. Sorry ladies, but if your covered in tats and I mean covered, odds are any guy or girl looking at you is more concerned about your last drug test then that winning personality of yours. I'm no hater of tattoos lets just clear that, I will be getting my own one day. But don't play the it's "art" card. Half the idiots I see with ink vomit all over them would struggle to even spell the three letter word. GROW UP, embrace criticism.

Kerri Hawkes said...

Wow. Why would you write a whole blog about something you obviously know nothing about? That is your opinion, and that's cool. But 8 out of ten people will disagree with you. Tattoos are a great way for someone to express themselves and it is for them not you. So it is none of your business what they decide to do with their bodies. That's what's wrong with the internet; any uneducated idiot can write a blog.

Anonymous said...

Surely as long as you like your tattoo, you shouldn't give a damn about anyone else' opinion?

Anonymous said...

Where are the do's?

Laura said...

Costs a lot of money to look this cheap

Anonymous said...

You're an idiot, it's very simple for someone to have a lot of tattoos that are meaningful and for the most part it tells a story of their life. You obviously don't have a very exciting life and not to many meaningful things you can remember because only 5 meaningful things is your life time is pretty shity

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